Poutine Death Burger: Rum Runner, Crowsnest AB

I was recently visiting an artist friend at the Gushal Artist Residency in Blairmore, Alberta. My friend had built an experimental time travel machine which of course I had to try. Only downside to the machine is you return without any memory of where it sent you. I did however, return adorned in some strange clothing with a taxidermy specimen of a Oreamnos Americanus....mountain goat. (see photo) and have since had a reoccurring dream of a Wilford Brimley type looking evil dude chasing me through an old west town with a fancy hammer. Most disturbing.

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Time travel makes you hungry. Pub food is plausible water to that fire and the best pub grub in the Crowsnest Pass is the Rum Runner. For the brave, the demented human, willing to risk sweet death and cardiac arrest there is but one item on the menu worth the uncertainty: The dreaded "Poutine Burger." As the menu states, "Garlic toast topped with our 1/2 pounder, then fries, then creamy cheese curds, then loads of gravy, and then rings." They also run a large knife through the centre of the beast so you can maneuver down through the cheese curd debris to the tasty handmade burger below. The knife is also handy for the occasional Yeti tavern attacks that are seasonal in the Crowsnest Pass.

My friends and I purchased a to-go Poutine Burger and placed it in the time machine. We sent it back in time to the place where I had acquired the goat. There was no visible change to society, however the Wilford Brimley dude in my dreams appears to have put on some weight. Most excellent.

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