Never Just a Dog

There are a few key phrases in life that should generally be avoided if you want to keep your size 10’s out your mouth. “I didn’t know you were expecting!” to a content winter-weighted woman, is the classic example – and one that I’m sure has been inadvertently blabbed by an unknowing (and guaranteed baby free) individual in this slightly confusing and fast moving baby-booming town. But a close second to baby faux pas comes the evil dog offender. In a town filled with child, dog and snow appreciators you have to watch your words on a variety of hot topics. I and suggest, until you know what category your audience falls into, tread carefully my friends…

Now being child free to date, I’d be classed as a “dog appreciator” 100%, with a loving mutt called Diggs, undoubtedly at this time making himself comfortable on my couch. Inherited in his later years, through my understanding and fellow hound appreciative partner Mike, Diggs is akin to our child. I’m referred to as Mum, Mike as Dad. We’re not sure how Diggs refers to us, possibly “bloody idiots”. I also appreciate snow, but at this time of year I’m mentally planning my summer activities, leaving the thinning snow far behind in my golf dreams. I also fully appreciate kids, but am not quite yet inclined to be in charge of my own troop. Diggs’ needs are enough. And with my blogging antics being entitled “Blog & Dog”, there is probably no great surprise that I’m big into the four legged, pawed friends. I am a dog carer and cuddler, a bragger and a believer, an avid admirer and indeed a slight addict. So evil offenders, watch your ankles.

Such dog owner passion and peculiarities can however lead to things getting a little out of control. Hopefully you’re on the same page as me to this point, or at the very least merely intrigued and this next paragraph doesn’t make you switch to facebook and make a mental note never to return. But have you ever visualized a dog doing something exceptionally human? Leading you to visualize everything from facial expression to paw position? Driving a car for instance - just seeing a large dog proudly and patiently sitting in the driving seat outside the store gets me every time. Soon imagining if they took to the wheel, whether they’d be a 10 to 2 or more of quarter to 3 driver, seeing a light impatient clicking of nails as they squint into the rear view mirror waiting for a chance to pull out. A slight struggle with the gears, sans thumbs of course. Visualizing their ears flapping as they quickly, yet safely check their blind spot, before clonking a paw down onto the indicator and brazenly hitting the gas to join the real world. With perhaps an appreciative nod to the German Shepherd driving the Ford F-250 behind.

These mental pictures can get a little intricate at times and for that I apologize. But really, what are these hairy mutts thinking when they stare out the car window at you, giving such a sense of vehicle ownership? Staring down their long noses at you, laughing inside at human behavior. Do they have weird thoughts about their owners? I’m sure of it. Obviously with such a wild imagination, one that someday I may grow out of, there are other examples that I can’t help but share with you. So please, keep reading.

Still being fairly topical, lets swing to the Olympics. What sport would your over-enthusiastic, uncoordinated, ever-enthused beast excel at? A team game, with passionate high fives and a strong sense of camaraderie from your sociable friend perhaps? A solo sport, with stoical and unfailing determination more his type? Well we, (yes, this was a family venture), came to the conclusion that bobsleigh would be Diggs’ forte. A strong, passionate and somewhat aloof dog, in his elder and slightly unsociable years, he would be perfect for the bobsleigh track. And subsequently, Bobsled Diggs was born, resulting in a 45 minute Photoshop session, positioning him tidily into his Team Canada bobsled as he neatly takes corners, with his eyes slightly closed.

(He forgot his helmet and protective eye-wear, as he was late to the start, what with all the excitement at making it to the final). Bobsled Diggs now holds prime position on the computer desktop and has become a household name ever since.

Think I’m barmy? Well more fool you. As until you’ve tried this strange and entertaining way to bring your snoozing mutt to life, you can’t comment. As a parent, don’t try and pretend you haven’t visualized your child as an aspiring athlete or the likes. It’s the same thing. And anyway, at least I’m facing my issues and speaking out. You should try it. I realize Fernie isn’t big on self-help groups, but lucky for you, now there is an online version available to you…Dear Diggs. Yes, another fully developed doggy persona and one that you shouldn’t let pass you by. I’m serious, he can solve the worst of your problems quicker than he says milkbone. He's that good.

Dear Diggs
deardigggs@hotmail.com