Death to the Death Sausage
Sausage cleanses are kindred to sausage addiction. The addiction may cause you to go on a sausage cleanse or going on a cleanse may cause a sausage addiction. Whatever the case may be, as long as there is daily sausage intake things are going well.
Sausage cleanses used to be an easy road diet to undertake. A darkness has covered the earth and it is becoming increasingly difficult to find good sausage on the road to maintain the spirit of a proper cleanse. Hotel chains used to be good for your standard breakfast sausage-not so anymore. The crap they pass off as breakfast sausage looks like the turds squeezed out of an alien dog that has been consuming grey cardboard. Skinless, rank, Play-Dohesque dog shit. Safety tip: always avoid the hot items at the hotel free breakfast buffet. Don’t even look. You are better off peering into a dumpster behind a butcher shop.
This death sausage is creeping into full service hotel restaurants. I was recently served a plate of these regurgitated Spam ass logs at a hotel restaurant in Cranbrook with a side of grey steamed steak. First time since the 80’s I sent food back to the “kitchen”. There must be a plant of evil clowns with sharp teeth producing this evil, cornering the market on cheap restaurants and hotel chains. We may need to create a SausageAdvsior to go along with TripAdvisor.
The best free hotel breakfast sausage I’ve consumed was at the St. Regis Hotel in Vancouver. Most excellent. It’s what a free hotel breakfast should be.
So for those hotel and restaurant folk that continue to disrespect my attempts to maintain my sausage cleanse, I hope we sausage lovers find away of murdering the evil clowns producing this inedible meat paste and send everyone involved in it’s distribution onto a small ugly island with the remaining boat loads of the evil goo. After a few years of eating the product the humans fingers will turn into thumbs, their spines will disintegrate and they’ll lump about the island like a horde of alien slugs foraging the radioactive sand for the flesh cylinders.